


Fade Dream (Post-Trespasser)

by Darkrogue21



Series: DAI: Miriel Lavellan [4]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Trespasser, Sadness, Spoilers, slovellan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 04:37:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18113441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkrogue21/pseuds/Darkrogue21
Summary: Miriel deals with the fallout of meeting Solas again after his devastating reveal and plans. After having her heart broken, and losing her arm, it's hard for her to get her thoughts straight, so she goes to the only place where she feels truly at home. The Fade. Though she soon discovers she isn't alone, being stalked by a ghostly wolf which always seems to appear at her heels.





	Fade Dream (Post-Trespasser)

She settled into bed and closed her eyes, though the thoughts in her mind wound themselves around each other in a terrible tangled mess and it was hard for her to shut them out. After a few minutes of unsuccessful respite, she sat up, lit the candle on her nightstand with a flick of magic, and grabbed the cup sitting on the side. She downed the last of the liquid inside and grimaced, it was a bitter mix but it was an old recipe and one she tended to reach for more often to help her sleep. She sank back into the pillows and pulled the covers up to her face, closing her eyes again and trying to find her peace.

 

She awoke staring at the hazy green sky of the Fade and sat up, being greeted by a field of long lush grass and multicoloured flowers. She brushed her hands against the greenery but paused when she saw her left arm. She was in her travelling jacket, but her left arm was still gone, the sleeve turned up and pinned over itself to stop the fabric dangling loose. She sighed in frustration.

_Of course...it's not like I could have grown another hand here. Why can't I just have that nice halla dream again?_

She thought as she got to her feet.

 

The grass was dense, like an endless sea of green around her, and she waded through it. She didn't head in any given direction, since there didn't seem to be anything on the horizon but still she pressed forward, hoping that she would eventually find an end, or at least something else. Eventually, the grass faded away and revealed a road, the stone was old and weathered and on the sides were thick trees bunched together so tightly that they formed a wall and blocked the light. She walked up to a sign that sat on the edge of the road and noticed that the path forked into two on her left and right, she squinted as she tried to read the sign but the wood was carved in gibberish and impossible to read. Although she was hardly surprised, this was the Fade after all, and this place didn't apply to the normal rules of mortals.

She looked down both paths and turned to look where she had come from, but froze when she saw a figure standing behind her...

The wolf stood opposite her, though it looked different to what she remembered. Its fur was a snowy white and its eyes a sharp blue, but it was still as tall as it used to be. Before, she would have welcomed her old friend's company as she walked the Fade, but that was before she knew what and who it really was. She was taken aback at first, but anger soon took its place.

“What do you want?” she snapped. “Isn't it bad enough I don't see you for two years, now this is the only time I even can?” the wolf dipped its ears as she spoke. “What are you even trying to accomplish by following me? Are you waiting to see what I do? Trying to find a flaw you can exploit like you did before?” it stood silent and she rubbed her eyes. “I don't even know why I'm getting upset at you again, I know it won't do me any good to bring all of this up, reopen old wounds...Maybe it's because even after two years I'm still hurting.” the wolf's fur shimmered and distorted the air around it like it always did, it truly felt real to her but she was much more guarded. She regarded it with suspicion, coldness, but the hurt still showed in her voice. She didn't know if it was real, a trick of the Fade, or even one of his own tricks, but she couldn't help herself, she needed to air her feelings and here was the only place she felt that she could talk to him.

“Did you even know how hurt I was that you didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth? But I honestly think I was better off not knowing about all of this in the first place. I should have been kept in ignorance, then maybe this wouldn’t sting so much. Knowing what Corypheus was, there wasn't any emotional connection there, he was a monster and he needed to be stopped...but finding out that _you_ were the one who let him get his claws on that orb, that same orb which caused this mark on my hand, caused me to lose my arm...” her voice began to waver, but she pulled it back. “Knowing that you were the one who set all of this in motion...It hurts me more than anything, because you _knew_ and you _lied_ to me. I fell for everything you said, I hung on your every word, even though you were lying to me from the start. Weren't you?” the wolf whined and dipped its head, but she fought hard to keep her voice steady. “I loved you so much...I was such a fool to believe you, wasn’t I? But you still wanted the blame to be on you. Would that have made it easier? If I hated you?” she sighed. “Because after all of it, I still can’t say I do. After two years pining for you, I wonder which of us was the real fool after all...” it attempted to step forward but she stepped back, keeping the distance between them. “I really didn't know what to think when I saw you again, you know, standing opposite me like that. I had dreamt about it so many times...I ran through every outcome in my head: would I slap you, curse at you, cry? Or would I just hug you so tightly that I never wanted to let you go again? When you told me what you intended to do, all I wanted to do was scream at you for how you couldn't do this, how you would so easily sacrifice everything we worked so hard for this past year, just to restore what was lost to your people...But then another part of me understands how awful it must feel to be isolated from people you shared a connection with, to be one of the last who remembered what it was really like: the beauty, the magic, the memories. I miss my clan every single day, I couldn't imagine surviving for decades without them.” she shrugged weakly.

“So, what can I say? I'm in no position to judge you, because deep down, I know I'd do the same if I was pushed far enough and forced to endure so much in this world alone...” she caught its eyes. “I know this world can make you disillusioned, and I know it's not perfect, but no-one is. You can't just write it all off like this, there has to be another way.” she shook her head. “But...why am I even saying this? I don't even know if you're really here or if this is another dream of mine...I...I guess I'm just hoping that you are and you're listening to me, because you needed to hear it. Or maybe I just needed to say it.”

She turned on her heel and began to walk away, but stopped when she heard the footfalls of the wolf behind her.

“Just...stop following me, Solas. If that's really you. Please.” it whined at the solemn desperation in her voice and went to walk towards her but she held out a hand, speaking directly. “I mean it. No more. Every time I see you, I know you'll just disappear again and it breaks my heart every time. Just save us both the trouble and leave me alone.”

 

She stepped off the path and sat underneath a tree, pulling her knees up. She sighed into her hand, rubbing her eyes as the anxiety built up and overtook her, a million and one outcomes buzzing in her head for the future. She rested her head on her arm but looked up when she heard movement beside her, she expected him to accept her wishes and leave, but the wolf instead took a place at her side on the grass. She looked at it, trying to keep her voice steady.

“I heard the sorrow in your voice, deep down I know you don't want to do this and I have to make you see that...I know that there has to be some other way, because I honestly can't face the alternative.” she brushed the hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear, the strands sticking to her cheek. The wolf made no sound and shuffled closer to her, resting its head on her arm and a ghostly voice suddenly emanated from it, it spoke in an elvish dialect, the familiar tone and accents on each syllable matching his voice perfectly.

 

“ _Ir abelas, vhenan..._ ”

 

The sudden reply made her jump and she turned her attention back to him.

“There's...only so much you can apologise for. It doesn't fix anything, not now.” she replied flatly, the wolf spoke again and she felt a spike of anger, shaking her head. “Don't say that. If you did care, then you would have stayed.”

“ _Vhenan, please..._ ”

“Don't...” she snapped coldly and pulled her arm away. “You lost your right to call me that after you walked away.” the wolf dipped its ears and she saw the pain in its eyes.

“ _I would have given up everything for you._ ”

“Is that meant to make me feel better?” the wolf whined softly.

“ _It's the truth._ ”

“Then why can't that be enough now?”

“ _It's...not that simple, you know_ that.” she turned her head away.

“I just thought, with everything we've been through, what we shared...” she sighed. “I thought I was enough...”

“ _You would have been...if things were different._ ”

“Then I wish it were different.”

The wolf moved closer and rested its head against her own.

“ _So do I._ ”

She felt her heart ache.

 

“I miss you.”

 

She wanted to push him away, close herself off and be alone, but she found herself reaching for him in comfort. It was a stupid thing and she knew she would curse herself later for it, but in that moment, she simply needed him and reached out for the last familiar thing she longed for. She buried her face in the wolf's fur and closed her eyes.

 

She woke slowly, opening her eyes to see that it was still dark in the room. Her entire body felt stiff and she stretched out.

“Why do I keep letting myself do this?” she cursed quietly into her hands. “I have to stop putting myself through this.”

She looked down at the sleeves of her shirt, _his_ shirt, and sighed deeply. Of course that didn't help things.

 

She turned over and wiped her eyes, settling back down into the pillows and praying for a restful sleep, for once.

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, I'm in Slovellan hell again...Help me :(


End file.
